Welcome to the WordMerchant Publishing Humor Pages. We understand the pressures of everyday life and the need to take a break now and then in order to preserve sanity. To help you with this, we have made our extensive humor files available to all our visitors. If you feel the need for a chuckle, a guffaw or even a groan, you will find it here. In order to help you find just the right brand of mirth to suit your mood, the humor files are separated into 17 categories. Below you will find a brief description of each category. We hope you enjoy yourselves, but don't let the fun get in the way of your real work (unless you really want to).

NOTE: Please read our "Ultimate Disclaimer" at the bottom of this page

Click On The Titles Above Each Description

BATTLE OF THE SEXES
Woman vs. Man in a series of sarcastic, irreverent & often downright nasty comparisons.

DICTIONARILY SPEAKING
Words, words and more words. Crazy definitions, analogies, doublespeak, anagrams, and more.

FAMOUS FOLKS
Gandhi, MoatsArt, Beethoven and a long list of Van Gogh's appropriately-named relatives.

FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES ONLY
"Breakthroughs," HMOs, cures, visits with the doctor, health hazards, and much, much more.

FROM THE NEWSROOM
Headlines, news flashes, decoding personal classifieds, and the latest business spoofs.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho…
Working in the 90s, stress management, answering-machine messages, & lots more.

HOW TO RITE
Writing rules and tips, bad analogies, language controversies, Euroenglish, etc.

LOWER EDUCATION
College life, "Administratum," students' real test answers, new math, career guidance, etc.

MARKETING MANIA
New breakthrough: "book," sales tactics, real rock band names, warning labels, & lots more.

OLDER THAN DIRT
Living to 100, memory loss, remember when, senility prayer, & other observations on aging.

ON THE SHRINK OF DISASTER
Five-step cure for problem thinkers, messages from the psychiatric hotline.

RELIGIOSITY
HMO Heaven, God stuff, marriage plans, scandal in heaven, and more religious barbs.

THAT DON'T COMPUTE
Cyberhumor, upgrade problems, virus warnings, computer heaven/hell, & tons more.

THE ANIMAL FARM
Pet stories, cat rules, of dogs and men, of cats & women, what to do with a dead horse, etc.

THE CHILDREN'S OUR
Kids proverbs, prayers, school answers, what kids know, parental quotes, and tons more.

THE REAL WORLD
Real happenings, letters, quotes, airline problems & more, plus an annotated thermometer.

UNFAMOUS WORDS
Non-real quotes & comments, elementary laws of life, clichés, kitchen humor, & lots more.

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These humor pages do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of ourselves, our company, our friends, Jesse Ventura, or the cat; don't quote us on that; don't quote us on anything; all, or at least most, rights reserved; you may distribute this posting freely but you may not (and probably can't) make a profit from it; jokes are subject to change without notice (also to notice without change); some may be slightly enlarged to show detail; the contents herein has been altered: it has, we hope, been reformatted to fit this screen; any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or merely unconscious is mostly unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove any joke under penalty of law; hand wash only; wash 16 million colors separately; tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, or spindle (mutilation ok); your mileage will vary; substitutions allowed; available for a limited time only; these jokes are void where prohibited (and prohibited where void), taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat empty; product is provided "as is" without any warranties; user assumes fool responsibility; an equal opportunity employer of humor; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; quantities are limited while supplies last, otherwise, unlimited; if any amusement defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return them to our authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory: text may contain explicit or murky materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; keep away from refrigerator to remain thin; limit one-child-per-family please; no money down; no money up; no purchase necessary, however, you must be present to win; a lot of dissembling required, but no assembly necessary; batteries not included, except with a salt; instructions included with some models; reader must supply own laughter; action figures sold separately; no preservatives, artificial colors or flavors added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; hermetically sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse or from jocularity deficits; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, stop reading immediately and run ScanDisk; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 240 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source (as attractive as those might be); smoking these jokes could be hazardous to your health; all natural humor, no salt, MSG, pepper, vodka, or road tar added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a mortician; possible penalties for early withdrawal, consult sexual partner for details; offer valid only at participating web sites; allow four to six seconds for delivery; must be 18 to enter, 21 to leave; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, Dan Quale Presidential nominations, or other Acts of God (we wish he would just lay off), neglect, damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, warp-speed travel, improper or unauthorized repair, electro-magnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, proximity of gay Teletubbies, customer adjustments not covered in the humor instruction manual, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking (watching Airplane 1&2, or Titanic), taking on water, taking on George Forman, motor vehicle crashing (Mel Gibson, this means you), dropping teeth, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, cracks (except, wise), mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but is not limited to, arrows, bullets, champagne corks, buckshot, BBs, lamps, shrapnel, meteor movies, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha rays Beta rays, Gamma rays, Devil Rays, Raising Arizona, Raisinettes, lawsuits, wetsuits, zoot suits, knives, sticks, Stones, Beatles, Eagles, etc.); risibility is slightly higher east of the Rockies; other restrictions may, and probably do, apply, but must be applied correctly to avoid warrantee rejection.

We have not knowingly posted any copyrighted material. Due to the nature of forwarding on the Internet it has been close to impossible to attribute the original source. If you recognize any of this material as copyrighted and not in the public domain, please send us email and we will remove it immediately if not sooner.

Thanks

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